4a(2). Be
Concise
Do not use several words when one will do. Writers tend to add
phrases like "take into consideration" in order to
sound scholarly. This only makes the text sound inflated and
sophomoric. Don't use excessive and unnecessary verbiage.
WORDY: I am of the opinion that
the said managers should be admonished for their utilization
of customer response services.
CONCISE: We should tell the managers
to improve customer service.
Exercise 2: Wordy Phrases
Shorten the sentence. (see
answers)
1. This internet company is not
prepared to expand at this point in time.
2. In light of the fact that Roger has worked with much effort
and diligence to build this site, it would be a smart move to
give him the contract.
3. The airline has a problem
with always having arrivals that come at least an hour late,
despite the fact that the leaders of the airline promise that
promptness is a goal which has a high priority for all the employees
involved.
4. In spite of the fact that she only has a little bit of experience
in photography right now, she will probably do well in the future
because she has a great deal of motivation to succeed in her
chosen profession.
5. The United States is not in a position to spend more money
to alleviate the suffering of the people of other countries considering
the problems of its own citizens.
see answers below
Answers
1. The internet company is not
prepared to expand now.
2. Since Roger has worked for
this site so carefully, we should award him the contract.
3. Flights are always at least
an hour late on this airline, though its leaders promise that
promptness is a high priority for all its employees.
4. Although she is inexperienced
in photography, she will probably succeed because she is motivated.
5. The United States cannot spend
more money to alleviate other countries' suffering when its own
citizens suffer.
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(page 3 of 10 Chapter 5)