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Essay Guide
Chapter 1:
AWA Introduction
Chapter 2:
Analysis of Issue
Chapter 3:
Analysis of Argument
Chapter 4:
Improving Your Writing
4a: Style
4a(1): Fill Sentences
4a(2): Be concise
4a(3): Qualification
4a(4): Start Strong
4a(5): Active Voice
4a(6): Self-Reference
4a(7): Redundancy
4a(8): Vague
4a(9): Cliche
4a(10): Jargon
4b: Grammar
Chapter 5:
Real Essay Questions

10 most common errors




EssayEdge Admissions Essay Editing Service


4a(5). Active & Passive Voice

TThe passive voice is weak because it diminishes accountability. When you use the active voice the verb performs an action. The passive voice does not directly suggest that the user does something.

The passive voice does have value under certain circumstances. For instance, if you want to express something without assigning blame or if there is a question of responsibility. For example: "collateral damage has taken place". The sentence blames no one and does not assign who actually did it.

PASSIVE: The assignment was completed by Joe in record time.

ACTIVE: Joe completed the assignment in record time.


How is it Graded?

Both the E-rater and the human grader can detect the passive voice and it will lower your score. Admissions officers will also frown on it.


International Students:

Certain languages, such as French, use more passives. Be careful to adjust your style.


Exercises: rewrite the sentences

1. Garbage collectors should be generously rewarded for their dirty, smelly labors.



2. The conditions of the contract agreement were ironed out minutes before the strike deadline.



3. The minutes of the City Council meeting should be taken by the city clerk.



4. With sugar, water, or salt, many ailments contracted in less developed countries could be treated.



5. Test results were distributed with no concern for confidentiality.





6.The report was compiled by a number of field anthropologists and marriage experts.


 

 

Answers:

1. incorrect: Garbage collectors should be generously rewarded for their dirty, smelly labors.

correct: City government should generously reward garbage collectors for their dirty, smelly labors.


2. incorrect: The conditions of the contract agreement were ironed out minutes before the strike deadline.

correct: Negotiators ironed out the conditions of the contract agreement minutes before the strike deadline.

3. incorrect: The minutes of the City Council meeting should be taken by the city clerk.

correct: The city clerk should take the minutes of the City Council meeting.


4. incorrect: With sugar, water, or salt, many ailments contracted in less developed countries could be treated.

correct: With sugar, water, or salt, doctors can treat many of the ailments that citizens of less developed countries contract.


5. incorrect:Test results were distributed with no concern for confidentiality.

correct: The teacher distributed test results with no concern for confidentiality.


6. incorrect: The report was compiled by a number of field anthropologists and marriage experts.

correct: A number of field anthropologists and marriage experts compiled the report.

 

>>continue to Self-Reference (page 6 of 10 Chapter 5)